The Man I want to be
by rita louise evans
Summary: Randy seemed to have it all except the love of his life can he get her back and make her see he loves her and can Lita forgive him for breaking her heart like he did.
1. Chapter 1

**The man I want to be**

**Prologue**

Randy had it all money and fame he was currently the undisputed champion but he'd never felt so alone professionally he was having the best run of his career but personally it was all falling apart. Six months ago he had it all and for some stupid reason he couldn't see it and he stupidly threw it all away. Randy was working so hard but his career was going nowhere but he couldn't give up wrestling meant the world to him so if it meant doing more shows and wrestling more than he had in years he was going to do it he needed to be the number one superstar in wrestling not for the money, just to prove to everyone he was the best wrestler out there who always gave one hundred percent. Wrestling was his life it was in his blood it's all he's ever known and he wasn't going to turn into just another jobber.

The only other thing Randy had in his life was wrestling was his now ex fiance former WWE diva Lita. They were together for eight years and he'd never been happier than when he was with her. They went through so much together and he still loved her with all his heart. All Lita wanted was for him to come home more because she missed him and he just broke her heart telling her over the phone he couldn't and if she couldn't accept wrestling was his top priority then the best thing would be for them to break up she begged him to come home so they could talk about it. But he'd already made up his mind and john told him how much of an idiot he is and how could he break up with the love of his life over the phone. Randy knew John was right it was a really shitty thing to do but he wasn't going to blow his opportunity and now look at him he was the undisputed champion of the world, but now it didn't mean as much to him as he thought it would and he knew why it's because Lita isn't there by his side supporting him like she always did and it was all his fault.

These past six months have been the hardest of Lita's life she'd never felt so broken she tried to call Randy but he wouldn't answer her calls so after a few months she gave up trying. Even though it broke her heart she continued to watch him every Monday for Raw and she couldn't be more proud of him it just broke her heart he thought he couldn't achieve all this with her instead of thinking only of himself. She was still so mad at him for breaking up with her the way he did you don't do that to anyone, but as much as she was mad at him she missed him so much this was the longest time they've been apart since they got together all those years ago. Lita had read all these stories in the tabloids of him dating this girl called Jo Jo from total divas and she really hoped that wasn't true she didn't think her heart could take that.

Even though it broke her heart everyday Lita couldn't move out of their home it reminded her of the wonderful years they spent together her mom wanted her to move back to Atlanta but she couldn't Cameron had become her home long before she was even with Randy and when they got together in 2006 she told him about her dream of building a house in the countryside and he shared the same dream and helped her with the design and everything it's what brought them so close and she loved their home nearly as much as she loved him. Lita knew Randy was back living in St Louis and she often thought about going there and seeing him but the Jo Jo rumors she knew she couldn't handle it if she saw them together so she stayed away.

Trish and Jeff had really been there for her these last through months and she didn't know what she'd do without them they were the best friends she could ever ask for. They only lived a few minutes away so with Jeff being with TNA Trish was with Lita a lot it filled the days with things to do and took her mind of Randy being gone from her life.

**Chapter 1**

Randy had just finished another Monday night Raw and he was heading where he always headed after the show the hotel bar, John tried to help him out of this slump he was in but Randy knew the only thing he needed in this world was Lita and he threw it all away and he was just too stupid to realise and now the only thing that numbed the pain of her not being there was alcohol he could at least forget even if it's just for one night.

Due to it being Christmas they were spending a week in Texas so at least he could say he wasn't getting drunk all other the country he was going to the same bar every night while he was there. Whiskey was his favored drink of choice at the moment it always seemed to get him drunk and depressed like he deserved to feel after what he did to Lita he deserved all the pain he got.

"I take it it's a woman son" this old guy asked as he sat next to him.

"Huh" Randy mumbled he really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now he just wanted to be left alone.

"I've seen you in here the last few nights getting the same drink and I thought to myself that guys got women problems it's the drink of choice, I'm just an old southern soul and whiskey is the drink for the broken hearted" The old man said as he saw the pain in Randy's eyes maybe him talking to him will help.

"Yeah I guess you could say I'm broken, see I broke the only woman I ever loved, will ever love's heart and there's nothing I can do to change it" Randy cried as he downed another shot of Whiskey.

"What did you do that was so bad" The man asked he knew how he was feeling he lost his wife a few months ago and he was lost without her also.

"I broke up with her thinking it could help my career and technically it worked I've never accomplished more but I'm broken it feels like I've got nothing, it doesn't mean as much to me as I thought it would being the best isn't worth it anymore I just want to be able to go home tell her I'm sorry but I can't I don't deserve her of her love" Randy cried as he took another shot.

"You should never feel too proud to say you're sorry what I wouldn't give to say just anything to my wife. I know you done wrong for not putting her first but I'm sure she'll understand your job is important to you she's probably at home missing you right now as well. Just don't give up if you love this girl as I'm pretty sure you do or you wouldn't be sitting he right now. Then fight for her and never let her go because you'll never know what it like when it's too late and you can't have her back" The man said as hoping he got through to the young man who reminded him of himself in his younger days.

"I just think I'm too late it's been six months and I've been ignoring her all this time what if she's moved on" Randy cried hoping to god she hasn't not that he could blame her after what he done but the thought of her being with someone else shattered his heart into a million pieces.

"Then if she's moved on then you need to try and move on too, I guess I should be listening to my own advice but I'm too old to move on and quite frankly I don't want to she was my everything for fifty years and no one can or could compare to her" the old man smiled thinking about his wife.

"I'm sorry to hear about you wife, that what I wanted with Lita a lifetime of happiness but how can I expect her to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself for the pain I've caused her" Randy cried.

"Then son go and find out if she'll forgive you, you owe it to her and yourself to at least try and please take it from me you need to tell her how you really feel before it's too late and you really do lose her forever" The man said as he got up to leave it was getting late and he knew his son would come looking for him soon.

"Thanks so much your right I have to at least try" Randy said as he got up.

"Good luck son I hope it all works out for you" the man said as he shook this young man's hand he had a feeling everything was going to work out alright for the young couple.

Lita was getting ready for bed after another late night of trying to sleep without him even with him being on the road she always felt his presences probably because she used to fall asleep to his voice on the phone and now she had nothing and no one.

It had been another hard day she was trying so hard not to just ring him but she knew she couldn't she couldn't take another night of him ignoring her calls. Then to her surprise while she was tossing and turning in bed her phone bleeped she put it on silence hoping it wouldn't disturb her while she tried to sleep but it didn't work with it flashing. She wondered who it could be so late at night then she decided to finally pick it up it was obviously important or they wouldn't be ringing at this awful late hour. To her surprise it said Randy in the caller ID she had to wipe her eyes to see if she was hallucinating but no he really was calling her she thought about ending the call but as much as she wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt her she couldn't so she answered it "hello"

"Hi" Randy broke out shocked that she actually answered.

"What do you want Randy" Lita asked after moments of silence that felt like a lifetime.

"Li baby I'm so sorry" Randy slurred his words he knew he shouldn't have drunk so much.

"Are you drunk" Lita asked she knew he was she could tell but why was he ringing her.

"Li I'm so miserable without you baby please forgive me" Randy slurred his words as he sat on the bed hoping to steady his now wobbly legs.

"No Randy that's not fare you don't get to drunk call me in the middle of the night after months of silence why don't you call Jo Jo I'm sure she'll keep you company because I'm done Randal Keith Orton" Lita said as she hung up the phone how could he keep breaking her heart like this.

"Huh what Jo Jo what the hell what was Lita talking about" Randy mumbled he couldn't believe what just happened and the finality in her voice he knew know he had to go home and try he couldn't live without her anymore.

End of chapter please review and tell me what you think thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews and happy new year everyone.**

**Chapter 2**

When Randy woke up he knew he couldn't go home the night before no way would she talk to him in that state. But he was soba now for the first time in months and he spoke to Vince who gave him a few weeks off to sort himself out so there was nothing stopping him now he'd booked a taxi and he should be back home in a few hours.

Randy rang his mom and told him he wasn't coming home to Christmas she understood when he explained he was going home to try and win back Lita, his mom wished him luck and asked him to keep her posted and to not screw it up again.

Randy knew he couldn't mess things up anymore than he has done already. He couldn't blame her if she never wanted to see him again after all the shit he put her through. But he had to at least try.

Lita still couldn't believe what happened last night the cheek of him to drunk call her like that because he was feeling lonely how could he do that to her if he wanted to talk to her he would have and he wouldn't need to be wasted to finally pick up the phone. She tried to sleep for hours after he rang but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't she finally fell asleep around 6am and managed to get a few hours sleep before their dog McKenzie woke her up.

After taking the dog for a walk Lita decided to go and lie down she had a splitting headache and all she wanted right now was sleep. As she went to lie down she noticed the photo of them just after they moved in they were so happy then if only they could go back to the way it used to be. Lita remembered that day like it was yesterday she'd been retired a few months when they finally moved in to their dream home.

_**Seven years ago**_

"_Randy what are you doing put me down" Lita laughed as he picked her up to carry her into their new home._

"_What its tradition the man is supposed to carry his lady through their door" Randy smiled as he carried her. This was the greatest moment of his life and he couldn't wait to live here with the love of his life._

"_Yeah only if you're married silly now put me down" Lita laughed" as she tapped him on his arm._

"_Well we could always get married" Randy laughed as he placed her on their couch._

"_Huh what did you just say" Lita asked she couldn't have heard that right._

"_Lita this wasn't how I was supposed to ask but what the hell, Li will you marry me" Randy asked as he got down on one knee._

"_Randy stop being silly this isn't a joke" Lita said as she got up this conversation was going too far._

"_Li I'm not joking I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I can understand if you don't want to marry me I'm a screw up and I've never committed to anything, but I've changed now and that's all down to you, you make me want to be a better man, you love me for me and you never give up even if I give you reason to look at the time when you told me you were retiring and I gave you a hard time, it's not that I didn't love you, you know I do I just didn't want to be without you and I took it as you leaving me" Randy said as he held her hand._

"_Randy I wasn't leaving you just wrestling it wasn't fun for me anymore" Lita cried it was a hard decision to leave her career but she needed to do this._

"_I know, I know that now but then it just hurt and I pushed you away, because I didn't want you to go and you made me see that you needed to do this and that it won't change us and you're right it won't. So Lita will you please do me the honour of being my wife" Randy asked as he took the ring out of his pocket._

"_What the hell, yes I'll marry you" Lita laughed as he took her into his arms._

Lita started to tear up as she thought back to that day. They were so happy and in love back then, maybe there was a reason they never got married even though they were engaged so long maybe deep down Randy knew they'd break up. After everything that's happened maybe they don't belong together anymore. Lita cried as she realised it was time to move on he wasn't the Randy she fell in love with all those years ago and he wasn't hers anymore.

Lita knew what she had to do so she packed away all of his stuff that he'd left in their room. Trish had been trying to get her to pack it up for months but she couldn't, he heart couldn't take the fact that it was really over, but know she knew she had to she couldn't keep living like this. After she packed everything away she did the one thing she never thought she'd do she took off her engagement ring it wasn't hers anymore and she needed to take it off.

Randy was nearly home now this was the longest few hours of his life he didn't know how he was going to win her back but he knew he couldn't give up he needed Lita in his life like he needed air. Randy just hoped he wasn't too late he doesn't think his heart could take that.

After arriving at the house a few minutes ago Randy just stood there wondering whether this was a good idea what if she hates him or she's moved on. He knew he had to knock he couldn't stand out here all day with the what if's.

Lita was just about to get in the bath when she heard the door knock she wondered who it could be Trish was with Jeff because he had a few days off. "I'm coming" Lita said as she put on her bathrobe. "Who is it" she asked as she was coming down the stairs.

"It's Randy I we need to talk" Randy stumbled his words not expecting her to answer.

Lita couldn't believe it was him he was really here and she didn't know what to do she wasn't expecting this. "What do you want" Lita asked she couldn't open the door to him she just couldn't her heart couldn't take seeing him this was all ready so hard.

"Li please open the door we need to talk" Randy begged through the door hoping she would open it he needed to see her again.

"I, I can't do this Randy you need to go" Lita cried as she sat down behind the door her legs couldn't stand anymore.

"Li please, I'm not going anywhere, I'm never leaving you again, even if I have to wait out here forever, I need you in my life" Randy yelled as tears streamed down his face this wasn't what he expected but at least she was listening to what he had to say.

"Oh now you need me what about the last six months when I needed you and you shut me out, and for what so you could do what Randy, why, why did you do that to me" Lita screamed tears streaming down her face.

"Li baby I'm so sorry I was an idiot, and I know I don't disserve your forgiveness but I love you I always have and I need you in my life" Randy cried hoping she would forgive him he didn't think he could take it if she didn't.

"Why should I forgive you, look what you've done to me, you've broken me and you still haven't told me why, Randy why, why did you leave me, wasn't I enough for you why did you fall for someone else" Lita cried her heart was broken in to and she didn't think she could take anymore.

"Li there's no one else I don't know who told you but I promise you, I never left because I wanted someone else I could never want someone else. You're it for me and I know I hurt you by leaving and I've regretted every day since. I never should have broken up with you the way I did, I was being selfish and stubborn I should have came home and spoke to you and explained I needed to put my career first for a while, because I was failing and I know it wasn't your fault it's mine, I was just too stupid to realise that none of it mattered if didn't have you" Randy cried.

"Randy if you had come home and talked to me we wouldn't be going through this and you need to stop using your career as an excuse if you still wanted to be with me then why weren't you, I did some thinking today after you rang and I've come to the conclusion you never wanted to marry me" Lita cried it hurt so much to say it out loud.

"Lita that's not true of course I wanted to marry you, I still do" Randy yelled how could she think he didn't want to marry her.

"Really then why has it taken us seven years if you really wanted to marry me we would have done it years ago. I never pushed you because I knew you was working hard and I always thought we'd get married one day I waited for you and I loved you so much it hurt and you just broke me for your career well I'm not going to keep you from you career any longer. I've packed your stuff away and you can come and collect it from Trish's house because Randy I'm done" Lita cried as she started to get up.

Randy knew what he had to do he needed her back so he went to their car and turned on the radio he knew Lita would be listening so he rang the local radio station and requested a song for them hoping it would help.

"This song goes out to Lita, Randy said he's really sorry about what he did and will you please forgive him" the DJ said as he played the song.

**God, I'm down here on my knees**

**'Cause it's the last place left to fall**

**Beggin' for another chance**

**If there's any chance at all**

**That you might still be listenin'**

**Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me**

**I've spent my whole life**

**Gettin' it all wrong**

**And I sure could use your help**

**'Cause from now on**

**I want to be a good man**

**A do like I should man**

**I want to be the kind of man**

**The mirror likes to see**

**I want to be a strong man**

**And admit that I was wrong man**

**God, I'm asking you to come change me**

**Into the man I want to be**

**If there's anyway for her and me**

**To make another start**

**Could you see what you could do**

**To put some love back in her heart?**

**'Cause it goin' to take a miracle**

**After all I've done to really make her see**

**That I want to be a stay man**

**I want to be a brave man**

**I want to be the kind of man**

**She sees in her dreams**

**God, I want to be your man**

**And I want to be her man**

**God, I only hope she still believes**

**In the man I want to be**

**Well, I know this late at night the talk is cheap**

**But Lord, don't give up on me**

**I want to be a givin' man**

**I want to really start livin', man**

**God, I'm asking you to come change me**

**Into the man I want to be**

When the song finished Randy went back to the front porch hoping she would come outside and at least talk to him face to face.

Lita couldn't stop the tears from falling now she couldn't believe he just did that. She knew she had to see him to talk to him but she just couldn't this was already too hard.

Lita knew what she had to do but this was going to be the hardest thing she's ever done and she didn't think her heart could take seeing him again, but she had to do this so she quickly picked up the ring and slowly opened the door.

Randy couldn't believe she actually opened the door as he got up to turn around to look at her he could hear her crying and he hated himself even more for causing her all this pain.

"Randy I need to give you this back it's not mine anymore" Lita cried as she tried to give him the ring back.

"Li, you, your pregnant" Randy stumbled he wasn't expecting that when she opened the door.

**End of chapter please review and tell me what you think thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews sorry for the long wait I just got a new laptop as my old one stopped working and I lost everything. **

**Chapter 3**

Randy still couldn't believe what he was seeing how could she not tell him she was pregnant.

"Randy please just take the ring" Lita said completely ignoring him she knew if she saw him he would notice and right now she didn't care anymore her heart couldn't take anymore.

"Lita how could not tell me you're pregnant, didn't I have a right to know I'm going to be a father" Randy asked still not believing this was happening.

"Oh hell no you don't put this shit on me when could I have told you when you've been ignoring me for months. I tried to tell you I begged you to come home and you just left me with no word nothing. How dare you blame me, I've had to do everything by myself the doctor appointments the sad looks I get from people because I have no one" Lita yelled as she slapped him around the face.

"Li I, I am so sorry I should have been here, I never should have left. Please can you forgive me I'm never leaving you or our child again I promise" Randy cried as he rubbed his cheek he forgot how hard she could hit.

"Randy please go I can't take anymore, please just go" Lita begged as she dropped the ring on the ground and walked back inside the house.

"Lita please" Randy begged as she closed the door he didn't know what to do anymore, but he couldn't give up he needed her and he knew she needed him too. So he was going to wait out here until she was ready to talk to him.

After sitting there for a couple of hours a car pulled up in the drive way he knew it was Trish and he knew she was going to give him hell for the hurt and pain he caused her best friend and he knew he deserved every bit of anger she could throw at him.

"Hi Trish" Randy said as he got up from the front door steps.

"Randy" Trish said as she tried to walk past him she promised Lita she wouldn't say anything so she was keeping her word even though he was making it hard.

"Trish please can you get her to talk to me I need her in my life" Randy cried hoping she would help him.

"Oh now you need her, that's rich coming from you, you know what I promised Li I wouldn't say anything to you but I just can't do that. You Randal Keith Orton is a selfish son of a bitch, for you to do what you did to Li I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. You broke her in every way possible and the shocking thing is she still loves you. I've tried to get her to move on but she wouldn't she said she could never love anyone as much as she loves you" Trish yelled at him she tried not to say anything but she just couldn't.

"Trish I love her too so much" Randy cried he knew Trish was right he doesn't deserve Lita but he was going to change he had to he couldn't live without her anymore.

"Really Randy, you really love her then why did you leave her the way you did, why did you break her heart. If you claim to love her the way you say you do you never would have hurt her the way you did, and she wouldn't be sitting in your house right now so broken if you love her so much now would she" Trish asked.

"I made a mistake Trish and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to her see I've realized nothing matters to me as much as her I can live without wrestling but I can't live without her and I know it's taken me a while to get here but I never should have left the way I did I never should have put my career first I was an idiot and I couldn't see what I had. I love Lita more than anything in this world and I was just too stupid to see it, I love her Trish I love her with every part of my soul and I'm never going to give up I'm never leaving again even if she never forgives me I'm going to stand right here until she does". Randy yelled.

"Randy I" Trish stumbled.

"Trish I'm not finished, I am not going to let anyone stand in our way I'm going to marry Lita one day and we'll be together for the rest of our lives. I I'm going to show her how much I love and need her for the rest of our lives" Randy yelled not caring who heard him he wanted the world to know how much Lita means to him.

Trish just stood there she didn't know what to say to him she'd never heard such a deceleration of love like that in her whole life. Trish knew she had to help him as much as she was angry at him for what he did she believe he was in love with her best friend and wouldn't hurt her again because if he did she would kick his sorry ass for being an idiot too many times.

Lita couldn't believe what she herd she should have known Trish would say something to Randy but she never expected to hear what she herd part of her wanted to go out there and run into his arms and never let go but she couldn't she was still hurting and she wasn't ready to be with him again he hurt her to bad and she needed time to think things through but she knew she had to do something so she slowly made her way to the door and that's when she got a sharp pain rippling through her stomach.

"Ahhhhhh" Lita screamed as she collapsed to the floor.

"Li baby what's wrong" Randy yelled through the door.

"Lita open up what's wrong" Trish asked scared of what could have happened.

"Lita please open the door" Randy yelled after moments of silence.

"Open the door are you ok" Trish cried worried about her best friend and she couldn't even open the door as she stupidly left the key at home.

"Lita I'm going to break the door down if you don't open this door right now" Randy yelled hoping she'd open the door he's never been this scared in his whole life.

"Li open the door your scaring me now" Trish cried hoping she was ok.

"Trish move out the way" Randy said as Trish stepped aside.

Randy knew what he had to do even if Lita would be mad at him for breaking their door he had to do this so he charged for the door and he crashed right through it. That's when he saw he lying on the floor by the stairs.

"Oh my god Li" Trish yelled as she saw her best friend laying there.

"Li baby wake up, Trish we have to get her to the hospital" Randy said as he picked her up and carried her towards his car.

The ride to the hospital was the longest ten minutes of his life he was driving so fast it was lucky he didn't get stopped for speeding. Trish tried to get him to slow down but he couldn't if something happened to Lita and their baby he'd never forgive himself.

When they arrived at the hospital the doctor was asking all these questions about Lita and the baby and Randy didn't know anything so Trish had to fill the doctors in. Randy had never felt so bad in all his life what was the doctors thinking of him how could he not know these things. Randy hated the fact he wasn't there for her when she needed him most and now he just hoped he could make things right even though he didn't think he deserved too. This was all his fault if only he never left her she wouldn't be in the hospital right now.

After the doctor left Randy collapsed on the floor he couldn't take anymore this was the hardest thing he's ever been through. Lita was going through all of this right now because of him if he hadn't left she wouldn't be in the hospital right now. He had to get out of here he couldn't cause her anymore pain.

"Oh Randy" Trish cried as she sat next to him on the floor she'd never seen him in so much pain.

"Trish this is all my fault if I hadn't come back she wouldn't be in the hospital right now" Randy cried maybe he should never have came home.

"Randy that's not true you needed to come home and I know I was mad at you earlier but you and Lita need to be together because even though I know Lita would deny it right now she loves you more than anything in this world and all she's wanted these past six months is for you to come home so she could share this with you" Trish said as she held his hand to try and comfort him.

"How could I have been so stupid if only I came home that day we wouldn't be going through this, if I could go back to that day I'd do everything differently" Randy cried as he got up he needed some air right now.

"Randy where are you going" Trish asked as he was leaving.

"Trish I, I just have to go I can't be here right now" Randy said as he left he couldn't stay not anymore he didn't have a right too.

**End of chapter please review and tell me what you think thanks.**


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